Long Term

When I started diving into the enneagram, after narrowing down my own number and diving into the 4, I broaden on the subject and one of the most fascinating things I learned about was the three centers of intelligence. The mind, the heart and the body. How each person usually does pretty well with one or two of the centers and one is typically repressed. That we have to work on our repressed center a bit more to be balanced. I’m 'doing repressed', or body repressed. I can feel emotions for days, and given space, I can think for days, but listen to my body? Eh. However, to be fully present in a moment all three centers have to be activated. As I’ve learned and discovered more about myself, one of my biggest goals is to be fully present - not in the past or future, but immersed the in the moment.

Learning and listening to my body has been an interesting endeavor. I’ve been trying to pay attention to what she needs. As a woman and a mom this can be more tough than you’d think.  Women have been conditioned to serve and care for others even if that means absolutely ignoring her own needs, in fact, the more her own needs are ignored, the more celebrated she is. I don’t know how many times I’ve held my pee or skipped a meal to just keep littles fed and happy, all in the name of the mom hustle. How often I’ve ignored my body, especially postpartum, and jumped into exercise too soon, or haven’t opted for walks instead of a hard run. Maybe it’s age, but the past few years I’ve been deeply realizing how I am not as invincible as I think while also feeling buried under the needs of others while my own go totally ignored. My body had a harder time carrying the second baby, in fact, Foeller pretty much destroyed my tailbone. I ignored it, kept running and ended up with plantar fasciitis. Finally Kellen forced me into physical therapy and my body began to heal. But then came a recent miscarriage followed a few months later with a ruptured cyst. I’ve always been a super healthy person, very few injuries and sicknesses, but those things mixed with the utter fatigue I felt and then hearing my acupuncturist tell me how depleted I was, I knew it was time to pay attention to my body. 

Enter, my friend Jen Massmen of Pio Wellness. We met at the YMCA child drop off and became fast friends. The more I got to know her (and started following her Instagram) the more fascinated I was by what she does for a career. She’s an integrative health practitioner, a mind and body health coach and so much more. Just following her Instagram has given me so many tips and tricks to do things a little healthier, whether it be how to help with digestion, how to help nutrients absorb better, or even cooking ideas and education about food and the earth it comes from. My background with food is kind of a weird one. Basically I’ve always worked out because I love it and so I can eat whatever I want. My mindset has always been, “eh you’re crushing marathons/halfs/spin class surely you’re healthy and good”. Basically, food has always been kind of whatever. I love a good meal, nothing makes me happier, but I wasn’t really mindfully eating. I’ve always been a little wary of the health food scene because it felt too diet-y for me. After hanging with Jen, I’m realizing how it’s so much more than that. That people are literally healing their bodies with the food they eat. That’s been mind blowing to learn about. She has helped me connect sugar and alcohol to anxiety. Cutting those two things down and/or out has been very helpful. I might be one of her most basic, 101 clients but I know she has a wealth of knowledge about these things. Her wisdom and insight constantly amaze me. 

I sat down with Jen for a consultation a bit ago and it was honestly so beautiful. We started by doing a little bit of breath work, to relax and settle into the space. Then we talked about my health history and what optimal health looks like to me. Honestly, I just want energy. I want to workout, play with my kids, have adventures and hang with friends and not constantly be so fatigued. Jen also mentioned how depleted I was and immediately suggested getting 7-9 servings of fruits and veggies a day and vitamins. I didn’t fully realize how necessary vitamins were until she told me the food we eat these days aren’t nearly as nutrient dense as they used to be. She also explained how having babies really does ravage your body of nutrients and women desperately need to replenish after having a baby. And it can take up to 3 years to do so. I felt that deep in my bones. Since having my second I have felt much weaker and tired almost every day, but especially in the hot Texas summer days. So yes, I’ll be starting my day with a green smoothie to get a jump start on that nutrient train, thanks Jen. 

We even dug in a little more about why I hadn’t purchased vitamins (even though she’s been telling me to take them for months) and how it mostly comes down to not being sure where to get good solid vitamins, which usually cost more, and how I’ve been wrestling around with realizing I deserve to take care of my body, I deserve good things. Ah, deserve. That’s a hard word to allow myself to embrace. I’m a woman. I grew up in a belief system that said the best I deserve is death. Deserve isn’t in my vocabulary. Until recently. My partner has a stash of vitamins and I’ve never blinked about him spending that money, I think it’s about time I let myself spend money on my own health. That my body and health is worth it just as much as his is. 

We also talked about thinking about our bodies long term. When I’m 70 I would love to still be able to go out for a run or a bike ride. I want to hike and explore, still live a full life. This is another one of those things I’ve been thinking in here and there that Jen just really brought out. Even though I used to run marathons on nothing but peanut butter, eggs and whatever I could find on my shift at Starbucks, that just isn’t going to cut it long term. I’m already seeing that way of treating my body come to fruition. I need to take care of my body, slow down on running, opt for yoga and walks, eat way more plant foods, hydrate, go to bed on time. Learning so much about rest, listening to our inner clock tell us when to sleep and allow our bodies the peek digestion time of 10pm-2am. Thinking long term, taking care of our bodies for the long term I'm quickly realizing is a discipline. The discipline of making myself go to bed at 10pm these days takes concentrated effort. She also urged me to be creative with my food. To find new ways to incorporate veggies and fruits into daily meals. That lit a little spark in me, thinking about food and cooking as another creative outlet. And again, it falls into creating the life I want, a healthy and vibrant life with a healthy and vibrant body.

Jen has been another bright, shining star on my path to awakening to myself. To seeing that I’m worth it, I deserve it. I can and will take care of myself before others when I need to and the house will not burn down. I will make what my body needs a priority. I will listen instead of silencing her to rush to take care of someone else. I will feed her nutritious food, I will research, spend more money on quality food, and making better choices about what I put in my body. I will get to know my body through my cycle, learn the natural rhythm of my body. Exert more natural energy during the ovulation phases and turn inward, slow down during menstruation phases (excited to learn more about this). My body is good and deserves to be taken care of in that way. I love how Jen  incorporates truly the whole being in her sessions. It’s not just a list of what to do, but a conversation about how I feel about that, what’s holding me back, what am I excited about, processing past choices, imagining a new way to do things. I also love how encouraging she is, she celebrates the small steps and the gradual progress. I tend to be one who, when given new goals or ideas, obsesses over them and freak out if I can’t make it happen ASAP. Or if something seems to big and daunting, too big of a change, I shut down. I desperately needed to hear, “one step at a time." That’s life anyway right? The transformation is the next right thing followed by the next right thing, again and again. Followed by compassion and curiosity when we feel we blew it and then on to the next right thing. And looking back, Jen has helped me see how far I’ve already come in this area, which is deeply encouraging.

My goals these days at 7-9 fruits/veggies a day (which is like, most of my food to be honest and wasn't as easy and I thought it would be), paying attention to my cycle, ordering the damn vitamins, paying attention to energy level when I exercise, going to bed by 10, and being totally okay if I miss a serving or 4 of veggies, hit the sugar too hard or stay up too late once in a while. Working toward a life long goal but not suffocating myself with perfection in it. I want to be present to my body, listen to her, be aware of her and what she needs. Because I deserve a healthy body. I am worth it.  This post links back to the post I did a mod podge piece about nourishment. My mind, my body and my soul are calling out to be nourished, fed, healed, restored and the resources just keep landing at my feet. The wonder of that isn’t lost on me. The magic of this whole precess is simply being guided, person after person, book after book, experience after experience, feeling after feeling... it’s all taking me on this journey to a new, more beautiful and true place. I’m in love with that. 

Check out Jen Massmen's Instagram and her website Pio Wellness for more information about her and what she does! Her information and education keep inspiring me to do better.